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Back to Question of the Week Q: Assimilation or not? To what extent should we put up walls to others (non-Jews) so as to secure and keep our own culture and ways? Walt Q: I enjoyed your Yarmulke information but I really have trouble with separation of Jews by artificial means such as Yarmulkes, and other ritual. If the benefits of the Torah and perhaps Jewish culture are not enough, then I think we have a problem. The Yarmulke wearing people that I have seen in the subway can act as insularly, as unfriendly, or as rudely as everyone else. It doesn't appear to add to spirituality. How about a yarmulke with a happy face to recognize the spark of G-d in your fellow travelers? Thanks. Jonathan |
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A: This week, I received two questions having to do with the ways in which we Jews might create distinctions, or maybe even separations, between ourselves and others. And that is the place to start the answer: by making a distinction between "distinction" and "separation." I take it as axiomatic (though others do not) that just as it is good and right that there thrive many distinct species in the biological realm and many distinct individuals in the human realm, so it is good and right that there thrive many distinct cultures in -- what shall I call it? -- the expressive realm. In particular, the world would be incredibly poorer without Jews with distinct cultural/religious modes of being: Jewish words, music, art, dress, food, wisdom, understanding of ultimate truths, etc. Some of these have been more important, of course, than others in terms of Jewish contribution to world culture. But I think that we have as much a right to all of them, if we wish, as a robin to its red breast or as I have to my particular sense of humor (so long as it is not hurtful). Aha! So distinction is good, so long as it is not hurtful; But I get the feeling my questioners wonder whether distinction can be distinguished from a type of separation that is hurtful. I'd like to return to the analogy of the individual, because I think it will be illustrative. One of the most important psychological challenges that each of us face, certainly as children, but probably our whole lives, is to develop a coherent sense of self, which implies individuation and separation, while at the same time being lovingly integrated into the society and the world around us. Paradoxically (or not?!), neither individuation nor integration is possible alone. Healthy relationship is predicated on healthy selves and vice versa. The person who has not relatively succeeded in individuation, whether an infant who simply has not gotten there yet or an adult who has never gotten there, is likely to substitute use for relation, need for love, and, in the worst case, hatred of others for knowledge of self. I don't mean to be either judgmental or simplistic: none of this is simple or easy and none of us is perfect. But facing the dual challenge of individuation and integration is crucial to our psychological and spiritual well-being. What about the group, in particular the Jews? I think we face the same, or similar, challenges. We do need individuation. The Jews need to have a secure and comfortable sense of Jewish distinctiveness. I believe that such an understanding and comfort will help, not hinder, our ability to relate with love (as the Torah commands us) to non-Jews. It is absolutely parallel to the case of the individual: loving relationship requires that we know that we are and who we are. Unfortunately, this is not easy for the Jews. On the one hand, we have recently had the experience of having a member of our human family try to kill us and succeed in killing six million of us. The centuries of anti-Semitism have not been conducive, from a psychological point of view, to a secure Jewish sense of self, to say the least. On the other hand, in the countries where our freedom and civil rights are most secure, huge numbers of us simply lack the knowledge of who we are and what riches our Jewish identity/heritage has to offer us and the world around us. With Canada Day and the Fourth of July this week, (excuse me, Walt from Australia, for the continent-centric references), I want to ask: are we being fair to our countries, are we being worthy citizens, if we are unable to contribute the wisdom and beauty that our culture has to offer to our national discourse and civilization? Okay, now that I've had my chance to offer that harangue and set the background, let me address the questions specifically. Should we build walls? It depends what you mean by walls. On an emotional level, no, we shouldn't build walls. Emotional walls are over-compensations built by people with weak or insecure senses of self. (Again, I don't want to be too hard on the Jews. We have been the victims of abuse, and an emotional reaction of insecure hatred or wall-building is perfectly understandable. It's just not productive.) If I know who I am as an individual and as a Jew, contact with others is not dangerous to me. (With certain exceptions -- let's also be realistic.) I think that's the important principle. I've tried to argue that "keeping our own culture and ways" need not mean building walls, but giving us the stature to reach over walls!. Now how about yarmulkes? Should we stop wearing them, or only wear them if they contain some universalistic message? Jonathan wishes that "Torah" and "Jewish culture" were enough. But, Jonathan, although the early Reformers tried to deny it, I think it's time to admit that Torah is more than a collection of universal ethical principles. It is unique, separate and different from the New Testament or the writings of Locke and Hobbes. Torah is even different from the Christian "Five Books of Moses," because we read it so differently. And that's why we have something beautiful and distinctive to add to the world. And yarmulke is part of Jewish culture. Is it so bad to have a distinctive mode of dress? I say it's just too bad that Jews don't wear long purple robes or something exciting like that! You're right, though, that every piece of Jewish culture, from Torah to yarmulke, can be worn insecurely, narrowly, bitterly, or rudely. That's because to be an individual, to be a Jew, and to be human are not simple balancing acts and sometimes we get off balance. But if you want to wear a yarmulke with a happy face as an expression of the light-hearted vigour of your Jewish individuality and your will toward loving relationship with others, go for it! I can't wait to sit behind you on the train! written by Rabbi Jeremy Schwartz |
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