Back to Question of the Week Back to Archives Q: I find myself in a very confusing spot. Some 25 yrs ago, I went through a reform conversion, while married to my children's father. Their father, a born Jew, and I divorced. We both have not been "practicing" for many years, and have both remarried to non-Jews. My dilemma is, my son has gone through an orthodox conversion recently, and I would at the very least like to become affiliated with a shul, again. I just don't know where to start. I am very well aware that the orthodox shul does not recognize my conversion, but I do love Judaism and don't know how I will be accepted by a reform shul, being a Jew "by choice", without the benefit of being married to a "born" Jew, now. I know this is quite confusing, I hope I am not alone and there are other Jews by choice out there!!??? I would appreciate any help you could give,Thank you in advance! Confused Friend of Ruth
		A: I can understand your feelings of confusion on this issue, but actually the matter may be clearer than you realize. As far as any Reform (or Reconstructionist) synagogue is concerned, you are a Jew. Period. A convert is a Jew in all respects. The fact that you haven't been involved in Jewish life for many years and that you are married to a non-Jew makes you exactly like a whole lot of other Jews who haven't been involved in Jewish life and are married to non-Jews. Reform and Reconstructionist rabbis and synagogues are committed to helping people like you who wish to re-engage with Jewish life to do so, and to help non-Jewish partners explore the possible role of Judaism in their lives as well, if they wish. Most of our congregations give individual memberships only to Jews, but have some arrangement for including non-Jewish family members in the life of the congregation as well--again, to the extent they wish to be involved. So it sounds to me like it's time for you to stop by a shul! You should know that many Conservative rabbis/congregations will accept your conversion as well, but some will not. As you said, the Orthodox won't accept a Reform conversion. If you want to be involved with an Orthodox or Conservative shul, they're not going to prevent you from going to Shabbat services, but since they won't acknowledge that you are Jewish, membership and certain other things would be closed to you. If you want further involvement in those movements, you'll need to think about a second conversion process. But I would advise that you avoid worrying about others' definitions of you, start affirming your own Jewish identity, and begin re-integrating Judaism into your life in whatever ways are comfortable for you. You'll find lots of rabbis and synagogues eager to help. And lots of "Jews by choice" sharing your path. written by Rabbi Jeremy Schwartz
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