Rosh Hashanah & Yom Kippur Sermons
The Secret
by Rabbi Elyse Goldstein
I have a secret: a very secretive secret, it’s so secret that I want all 400 of you to know and to tell everyone you know that you know my secret. It’s a secret people have known before but not revealed, so that I can reveal it to you first and only at this moment in time. It’s a secret more secret than the Bible codes, more secret than the secrets surrounding the ending of the seventh Harry Potter book. So, are you ready to pay anything to find out my secret? My secret is: I read The Secret. Me, of all people, skeptic, social critic, b.s. sniffer-out: I read The Secret.
Don’t know what The Secret is? Where have you been all summer? New York Times bestseller, Oprah-endorsed international phenomenon, “Secret” groups, clubs, meetings, spin-off bestsellers, yada yada yada. The Secret is a thin, double spaced self-help book written by a television commercial producer with a team of “experts” comprised of a feng shui counselor, a personal coach, an entrepreneur and moneymaking expert, a metaphysician (I’m not sure which med school one goes to become a metaphysician), and a chiropractor. I wanted so much to believe in its powerfully positive message with a quasi-religious feel, designed to look like an ancient scroll- hey, after all, I’m partial to ancient scrolls. This, in a nutshell, is the message that captured millions of people this summer: I can get anything I want, anything at all, if I think about it all the time and focus only on that. If I focus only on what I want, ask for it, believe that I will get it with all my heart, I need do nothing else, I will receive it! The “law of attraction”—supposedly “scientifically proven”— means that I can attract whatever I want to me by sending out my thoughts of it to the Universe with a capital U, and it will be attracted right to me.
If the world could be that easy, that wonderful, oh man, I had to try it. I had to remember not to let myself get caught up in any negative thoughts, because according to the book, the Universe with a capital U doesn’t seem to understand the words no, don’t, or not, so if you say “I really don’t want it to rain” the Universe only hears the word “rain” and you get rain. (I assume the Universe also understands all languages, but amazingly doesn’t understand the simple word ‘no.’) So I focused only on getting what I wanted, and I practiced the law of attraction with my very positive thoughts. I didn’t go for anything really big, like world peace or ending the hunger and slaughter in Darfur, because I worried that the people who want the exact opposite might be focusing just as hard, and maybe our thought waves would get crossed and I’d be responsible for more disasters. So I focused on wanting something small- another couple to register for one of my trips. I focused on this couple who were still thinking about it, I saw them clearly write the deposit cheque, I saw it in the envelope with Kolel’s address, I envisioned them walking on the plane with me...then the phone rang. They called me to explain that they would not be joining me after all because they had their grandson’s Bar Mitzvah that same weekend. What did I do wrong? If I had known about the Bar Mitzvah, I could have focused on having the kid learn the wrong parsha so they would have to change the Bar Mitzvah date. First problem: what happens when what I want is in conflict with what someone else wants? Who does the Universe with a capital U answer first? Hey you’d think a Rabbi would have some shlep with the Universe, a Rabbi who, after all, has devoted her life to serving that Universe should be answered first, I figured. Is this the gratitude I get from the Universe!? Hey, I ask one little thing after all I’ve done for you...
The book states clearly, “You can have anything you want, no matter how big.” That’s the problem-I was thinking too small. OK, something big...I can get one of you to give a million dollars to Kolel right after this service...ok, I’ll try it... I’m sending this thought out to the capital U Universe, I am really focusing on it...I’m sending this thought to the the 23rd row...big donation 23rd row...Wait, the people in the 23rd row are looking really uncomfortable and queasy...in fact, they look like they’re gonna throw up...
The authors say, “If you can think about what you want in your life, and make that your dominant thought, you will bring it into your life...nothing can come into your universe unless you summon it with persistent thoughts.” The Secret posits that thoughts have magnetic vibrations, like electric power, and they draw whatever you are thinking into your life. If you are thinking negative thoughts, you will bring that negativity to come to pass. So you caught the flu because you were hoping that you wouldn’t, or because you thought too much about the flu. The train was stuck because everyone on the train was hoping it wouldn't get stuck. Wow, all the difficult and challenging things that have come into my life have come because I’ve thought of them and brought them to me with negative thoughts. The author even goes so far as to say people who are overweight could really eat everything they want- there are no calories in the capital U Universe, because people attract being overweight by their thoughts, their “fat thoughts” as she calls them. “If you have a slow thyroid, this is a disguise for your ‘fat thoughts.’” What about people who get ill and die...women who are raped...kids who are abused...starving people attracting starvation because they are sending out too many worried thoughts like “where’s my next bowl of rice coming from?” I don’t want to go there.
Really- so what is “the secret”? Produce a book that can be encapsulated in a 20 second infomercial, sell several million of them, and start a new company that creates spin offs, marketing opportunities, sweatshirts and mousepads to keep it alive? That’s what I missed out on, turning The Women’s Torah Commentary into a DVD and exercise pants line!
So after thinking thin thoughts, and million dollar thoughts, and going back on my low carb diet and making the Yom Kippur pledge cards, I was convinced that this multi-million dollar feel-good religion is way sweeter than mine right now, with its insistence on the hard work of repentance and forgiveness, and the guilt associated with having done things wrong last year, but unfortunately The Secret still doesn’t work any better or produce any more miracles than the one I’ve got. Oh well, back to the drawing board for a religion that answers all my personal needs and gives me exactly what I want.
Don’t get me wrong-there is nothing intrinsically bad about religion without guilt or a community that all believes the same thing. Miracle stories of wealth and health and happiness make me happy too. Finding the partner of your dreams if you just send out those vibes sounds great for my single friends. But I thought religion, in its best form, wasn’t about getting my every wish granted by a magical G-d who, like Dumbledore, can make it all happen with a wave of a wand or a thought wave. I love that Judaism isn’t about our desires and our needs, it’s supposed to make me less self-centred and more aware of my responsibility to others and I need that— we all need that. As one reviewer of the book wrote, the whole idea of the law of attraction is “...breathtaking for its selfishness...the author... warns against listening to people speak about their illnesses or problems lest you begin to think negative thoughts and begin to manifest the negative consequences in your own life. She warns against sacrifice, either financial or personal, saying that sacrifice makes you prove your belief in lack rather than in abundance. She tells you to always place yourself first and to always look out for your own interests ahead of anyone else's. She puts you in the place of God, as the one who stands at the center of the universe. The law of attraction continues in logical progression until it arrives at the inevitable end result of ascribing divinity to humanity...The earth turns on its orbit for You. The oceans ebb and flow for You. The birds sing for You. The sun rises and it sets for You... You are the master of the Universe.... You are the perfection of Life. And now you know The Secret.”
Paganism in its purest firm: you control the gods, I mean the Universe with a capital U. Judaism and monotheism came to conquer that selfishness and to teach us, constantly remind us: it’s not about us. Rosh Hashana, if we take it seriously, cautions us that we are not perfect or even close to perfection. As long as we are alive, we aren’t “done” growing, improving, changing, getting better, doing it better, learnng from mistakes. Rosh Hashana teaches: we matter, because we pull our weight. We matter because we are part of a system, a wheel that turns slowly and surely and moves toward progress and tikkun olam, a better world because we are in it. Not because we think certain thoughts and get certain things, but because we do things that actively change the world we have into a more beautiful, just, and kind one.
We devour books like The Secret in the millions— Self Help books are the fastest selling book on the market— not because we want to escape who we are but because we desperately want to be in control of who we will be. We so want to believe that we can control our lives as easily as we control our T.V. remotes. The sad secret of The Secret is that when we believe only in ourselves, we really will believe in anything. We haven’t stopped believing in God, we've just replaced God by making gods of ourselves. We don’t believe in nothing, we believe in us. Ok maybe the worlkd doesn’t revolve around us but most of us don’t believe a supernatural force controls our lives, either. But we can’t stand the thought of fickle fate being in control of our destinies. We believe in The Secret because if we aren’t ultimately in control, and G-d isn’t, then who is? I crave a sophisticated middle ground between believing in nothing and believing in anything; between it all being out of my hands and it all being in my hands. I think the Judaism I practice gives me that.
Judaism’s secrets go against the popular culture of The Secret. They simply can’t make a million dollars because they aren’t easy, or self-serving. We seem to have a deep wish for quick fixes and easy answers; we dismiss religion as too demanding and science as too unspiritual so instead we embrace pseudo-scientific spirituality to cope with an increasing turbulent world and an increasingly difficult life. Judaism just can’t compete. I cannot tell you, like one of the Secret’s knock-off websites can, how to “create unlimited joy, blast through limitations, fear and worry, heal illnesses, create unlimited money, create the relationships you desire, create daily miracles in 60 days by simply entering your name and email address to ‘begin your journey to acquire Outrageous Power in your life.’” (Although many so-called “Kabbalah” websites come close to promising you this as well.) How I wish Judaism could promise you unending health and happiness, fewer worries, and a year which would bring you everything you need and want. How I wish Judaism could make you healthy, wealthy and wise, (and thin, but not too thin), and could replace all your fears and sorrows with nothing but unlimited simchas and security. But the Judaism I practice—and more about this on Yom Kippur— is not black and white, not simplistic, and doesn’t have a genie-in-the-bottle G-d who grants your three wishes and then goes away.
Although Judaism has a powerfully positive message like The Secret, it is also unromantically realistic: face it, the Unetaneh Tokef prayer says, some will live and some will die, you aren’t in control, life is sometimes hard and often unfair, but it’s the one we got so work with it. As the Rolling Stones put it: you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need. If you will it, it might come, but with damn hard work and lots of effort.
So, friends, I do not want you to go out and buy this book, or even read it. Oprah did that for us, turning The Secret into a phenomena and then, by the way, retracting her gushing praise when several women told her that they were giving up treatments for breast cancer in favour of using the law of attraction. Though most of the book, and many of the others of its genre, fly in the face of Judaism, Rosh Hashana’s deep message, and plain old common sense, I think there are three lessons which can be culled from its oversimplicity. First, focusing on what you want with fierce intensity is a good thing. How many of us multi-task so intensely that we don’t focus on our partner’s or kid’s last sentence (looking up from the computer screen or the cell phone we say “what was that again? what did you ask?”) How many times do we sit down in a quiet space and think about what we want from our lives? Focus intensely on what you want this coming year to be.
Second, setting a goal, a realistic one, and keeping that goal clear throughout the year, is a good thing. Of course, acting on that goal is even better. If you want love, act lovingly; if you want justice, do justly. If you want a better environment, close your lights and use your car less and buy local and reduce your footprint. If you want to meet someone, get on JDate and do it. If you want to change schools, muster up your courage and tell your parents. If you need to start exercising, go for a long walk today after lunch instead of napping.
Third, let’s ask ourselves, “why does our society encourage this kind of self-aggrandizement, self-conceit, and self-centeredness?” What happened to our spirit of “us” instead of “me”? Why are our bookshelves filled with ways to love ourselves more and less with ways to love our fellow human beings more? Find a way to reach out to others this year as an antidote to the “me” generation we all are in. More on that this Yom Kippur, as well.
I want you to ask this afternoon, round your yontiff lunch tables: what is The Secret of my life going to be this year? Then I want you to ask, “what will I actively do this year to get what I need, and to help others get what they need?”
Maybe the Universe with a capital U will cooperate slightly in the coming year. And then again...maybe it won’t. Sorry, but wishin’ and hopin’ and thinkin’ and even prayin’ isn’t enough. That’s not a secret.
Shana Tova.
