Don't be put off by the title; Everyone should read this book
The Modern Jewish Girl's Guide to GUILT
Ruth Andrew Ellenson (ed.)
Softcover - 318 pages (2006), Plume (Penguin Group); ISBN: 0452287480
reviewed by Baruch Sienna
I might not have picked up a book with the title, The Modern Jewish Girl's Guide to GUILT, both because I have a relatively positive attitude to Judaism and might worry that a volume on guilt would unnecessarily pull out the various hackneyed Jewish stereotypes on Jewish mothers and neurosis, and because I might have felt that this collection of essays by women would be too gender specific for my (male) life experience. However, because I have an inherited family disease that makes me unable to resist reading the printed word (even discarded ticket stubs), while lying sick in bed, I cracked open this volume on my wife's night table. Lucky for me, since this treasure of 28 modern essays is one of the best collections of well written essays that capture the angst of being Jewish in the modern world.
Really, my only criticism is the title. I am sure the marketing people decided that "Guilt" sells, and since the contributors are all women, they wanted the reader (ie. would be purchaser) to be aware of that, but the truth is, although many of the essays use "Jewish Guilt" as the jumping off point, the essays are really about identity, self, tradition, community, sexuality and family. Even the word 'Jewish' is not entirely necessary. Yes, all the essays are by Jews, and relate to Judaism in one way or another, but many cultural minorities could relate and would agree with many of the contibutors and say, "Yes, my life is exactly like that." My only other caveat is: don't read the whole book in one sitting or you might get indigestion. All the essays are powerful, and frankly, reading them all in one go can be a little overwhelming. I'd recommend reading one or two on a Shabbat afternoon.
So, what's this book about anyways? There are essays about the challenges of finding a place within Judaism for modern (read intellectually critical) feminists. Some grew up in religious, observant homes, and moved away from that world for a variety of reasons but are able to share intelligently about a world that many readers don't have access to. (One contributor grew up in the Chasidic world of Satmar). Others write about family, but the essays are much deeper and thoughtful than you might think. I found only one about a 'stereotypical' Jewish mother to be borderline offensive. One essay is about our relationship with the land of Israel. One of the things I found surprising was the range of experiences: one woman wrote of her family's experience in Iran. Some wrote about having children (or not). Others talked about JDate or their relationships (often with non-Jews) and the issues that raised for families, holiday celebrations, or naming their children. There were also chapters that talked about sexuality (one author shared her coming out experience that I'm sure any non-heterosexual could relate to), and body image. One woman asks, tongue in cheek, "Why are all Jewish women so fat" (meaning: why are all Jewish women (and men) so loud)? There is something for everyone.
The essays are all so wonderful and so insightful. One of my favourites was Rachel Kadish's piece on Guilt Judo. She (together with several others in this volume) are grandchildren of survivors, and she helpfully explains the rules of a game that Jews seem to play called 'Guilt Judo.' "Family obligations pin the needs of single people.... Safety pins punctuality... The Holocaust pins everything." But she then teaches a valuable lesson of how 'Jewish Guilt' or 'Guilt Judo' can become poisonous- and goes on to brilliantly transform the word 'guilt' into simply a road sign that tells us that we have a choice and responsibility.
The list of contributors is a veritable who's who in the modern, young, Jewish world. Ellenson (herself no lightweight) has collected an amazing group of writers, filmmakers, professors. All of them are communicators and write articulately and powerfully about the modern Jewish experience. Almost all are authors of other novels or essays, (one contributor's novel is reviewed here; another founded the hip "Heeb" Jewish counter-culture magazine) so one could easily use this book as a syllabus for the modern Jewish experience by simply listing the contibutors at the back and their published works. Please read this book.
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