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Both wept, implying that Jacob's love too was aroused towards Esau. And so it is in all ages. Whenever the seed of Esau is prompted by sincere motives to acknowledge and respect the seed of Israel, then we too, are moved to acknowledge Esau: for he is our brother. As a parallel we may cite the true friendship that existed between Rabbi Judah Hanasi and the Roman emperor Antoninus, and there are many similar instances.
Ha'Emek Davar
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After serving his father-in-law Laban twenty years, Jacob realizes it's time to leave. His earlier deception of his father has haunted him and there is a delicious sense of irony that he himself is tricked into marrying the elder sibling (after he pretended to be the older brother). The Rabbis call this 'midah k'neged midah' or 'what goes around, comes around.' But Jacob seems to have learned his lesson (and met his match with his scheming father-in-law), and when Laban tries to trick him [again] for his wages with a switch and bait plan (by removing all the [promised] speckled sheep and goats) Jacob uses his knowledge of shepherding to recoup his losses and actually breed a stronger and more numerous flock. So Jacob flees back to Canaan (leaving at night, and when Laban has left for sheep shearing to avoid a confrontation), older, wiser, and richer. Jacob now has a large family, and herds of animals. On his way back, the night before he will encounter his brother Esau, all alone, he wrestles with an 'angelic' being. Whether this is a dream, Esau's guardian angel, Jacob's alter ego or guilty conscience is not clear. In the morning, clearly shaken and physically effected by this encounter (he now has a limp) he awakens to a new identity. His name is changed from Jacob (Yaacov) to Israel (possibly: he who wrestled with God).
Jacob now prepares to meet his brother Esau, who is on his way with 400 men. Jacob is frantic and assumes the worse (that Esau is coming to battle with him) and sends him gifts to placate him. But at the climactic moment of meeting, the text describes a scene of brotherly compassion and love. They embrace, kiss, and cry. (The rabbis notice that although Esau embraces and kisses, it is both Esau and Jacob who cry.) This kiss draws to a close the events precipitated by the deceitful kiss that Jacob gave their father Isaac (27:29) before receiving the first born's blessing. (These two kisses frame this episode; like the popular Jacob Two-Two, much of Jacob's life (a twin) came in pairs: two wives, two concubines, two night encounters, two names).
The Torah scroll is handwritten in a beautiful calligraphic script. Occasionally, some letters are written larger or smaller, and in a few rare places, dots are placed over the letters, like here, on the word: 'he kissed'. What can they mean? Highlighting this word in the Torah text which is normally devoid of any diacritical marks makes the Rabbis wonder: what was the nature of this kiss? Could it have been sincere? Rashi proposes a moderate position: "Some explain the dotting to mean that he did not kiss him with his whole heart, whereas R. Shimon bar Yohai said: 'Is it not well known that Esau hated Jacob? But at that moment his pity was aroused and he kissed him with his whole heart.' But the Rabbinic tradition that roundly condemns Esau as wicked cannot imagine that the 'evil' Esau could have a change of heart, and kiss Jacob. So they suggest the dots indicate that the word should be read (by changing the Hebrew letter koof into a kaf) 'VayishaKHeihu' (he bit him) instead of 'VayishaKeihu') (he kissed him). That would certainly explain why Jacob is crying! But then why would Esau cry? The Rabbis imagine that God protected Jacob by making his neck turn into marble (finding a proof text from the Song of Songs that describes the lover's neck as a marble tower! and a verse from Psalms that the teeth of the wicked are broken.)
Although this fanciful 'biting-neck-turning-to-marble' midrash was popular among Jews who felt threatened or were attacked by their non-Jewish neighbours, it is not supported by the text and unfair to Esau. Ibn Ezra strongly rejects it. "The midrashic interpretation concerning the dots on VayishaKeihu is good for children (literally: those drawn from the breasts). (I can report that it is still being taught in typical day schools; I asked my 10 yr. old son who studied Genesis last year in Grade 4 and he vividly remembered the 'marble neck' midrashic version of events.) The plain-intended (pshat) meaning of the text is that Esau did not intend to harm Jacob, the proof being 'and they wept' just as Joseph will do with his brothers. Rabbi Hirsch in the nineteenth century agrees with Ibn Ezra that the kiss was sincere. "The allusion to weeping is a sure sign that what we have here is a revelation of genuine humanity. A kiss can be superficial but an outburst of tears is a strong presumption in favour of sincerity."
Lessons for Today
The meeting of these hated brothers and their reconciliation is a model for today. Jacob is a changed man. No longer a trickster, he has confronted his demons. He wisely meets Esau with gifts and servility (bowing seven times). And in return, Esau demonstrates true forgiveness and compassion. The dots represent that Esau's genuine brotherly love 'broke through' old grudges and negative patterns. It is difficult for people to trust an enemy, but this story shows that people can change. The last time we saw Esau he was ready to murder Jacob. Time healed that wound.
In today's world, there is still conflict between 'Esau' and 'Jacob,' between the non-Jew and the Jew. I am no political analyst, nor an expert in Middle East affairs and the conflict between Palestinians and Israelis, but the recent death of Arafat has renewed hope that peace can indeed come to the region for the benefit of all the peoples who live there. Can our enemies do 'teshuvah' (repentance)? Can there be a reconciliation between Esau's and Jacob's descendants? I am sure there will be negotiations and arguments over water rights and borders. But when will the two sides be ready to shake hands sincerely? (remember the forced handshake with Rabin, z"l and Arafat)? I believe that peace will not be achieved until both sides weep over the tragedy of lost lives and lost opportunities; then they can genuinely embrace and kiss.
One midrash states that all of Esau's actions were motivated by hate, except this one time. This is what we hope for. Only when one's actions are motivated more by compassion than by hate for the other, will there be a chance for reconcilliation. The text is clear: Jacob and Esau aren't going to become the best of friends; they go on their separate ways, but they can live in peace. The story ends with Jacob continuing on to 'Shechem' whole (shalem- the root for Shalom). The Rabbis point out that in gematria (the number system where each letter has a numerical value) the word Shalom, peace has the value 376 which is the same as 'Eisav' (Esau in Hebrew). When we meet Esau and we can weep and kiss, we will have a chance to find
Shalom, peace.
Shabbat Shalom.
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