Parashat Chayei Sarah, Genesis 23:1-25:18

Any mundane action harbors the seeds of a spiritual encounter.

Dozens of books have been written about negotiating, whether it be for the purchase of a car or real estate, for a better grade or a raise. While the Torah is not a how-to book of negotiating, in the beginning of parashat Chayei Sarah we find an example of skilled negotiation. Abraham's purchase of a burial place for his wife Sarah is told in great detail:

Then Abraham rose from beside his dead, and spoke to the Hittites, saying, "I am a resident alien among you; sell me a burial site among you, that I may remove my dead for burial." And the Hittites replied to Abraham, saying to him, "Hear us, my lord: you are the elect of God among us. Bury your dead in the choicest of our burial places; none of us will withhold his burial place from you for burying your dead." Thereupon Abraham bowed low to the people of the land, the Hittites, and he said to them, "If it is your wish that I remove my dead for burial, you must agree to intercede for me with Ephron son of Zohar. Let him sell me the cave of Machpelah that he owns, which is at the edge of his land. Let him sell it to me, at the full price, for a burial site in your midst."

Genesis 23:3-9

What is important is the manner in which Abraham acquires this burial plot. He enters into negotiations with the Hittites who ruled the area.  Abraham begins by describing his position: "I am a resident alien (ger ve-toshav) among you; sell me a burial site among you, that I may remove my dead for burial." (Genesis 23:4) Rashi explains the use of ger ve-toshav as meaning that Abraham is negotiating as a stranger who has no claim to the land. However, if he is not given the land, he will take as a resident would , since this land is promised to Abraham and his descendents as part of God's covenant with him.

As the negotiations proceed, our commentators continue to provide play-by-play analysis.
According to Ha’amek Davar, Ephron's generous offer of gifting the cave and the land to Abraham (Genesis 23:10-11) was a show for the people, and Abraham understood this as he continued his part of the negotiations offering to buy the land rather than the cave. Ramban suggests that Abraham was offered both the cave and the field because it would not be acceptable for a person to own one and not the other. Other commentators view Abraham's language as a display of humility combined with a high level of etiquette.

What Abraham displays in this interplay with Ephron the Hittite goes beyond negotiating rituals and the display of etiquette. Abraham is entering into dialogue. As Martin Buber teaches us, each encounter is an opportunity to get to know another being. "All real life is meeting." (Martin Buber, I and Thou, p. 11)

Buber believes that dialogue alone is of value irrespective of anything that is achieved:

Genuine conversation, and therefore every actual fulfillment of relation between men, means acceptance of otherness. When two men inform one another of their basically different views about an object, each aiming to convince the other of the rightness of his own way of looking at the matter, everything depends so far as human life is concerned on whether each thinks of the other as the one he is, whether each, that is, with all his desire to influence the other, nevertheless unreservedly accepts and confirms him in his being this man and in his being made in this particular way.

Martin Buber, "Distance and Relation", The Knowledge of Man, p. 69

Of course, this is not always the case. If one of the partners is attempting to manipulate the other, as commentators suggest that Ephron is doing, the result is not dialogue but propaganda:

Opposed to this effort is the lust to make use of men by which the manipulator of 'propaganda' and 'suggestion' is possessed, in his relation to men remaining as in a relation to things, to things, moreover, with which he will never enter into relation… 

Martin Buber, "Distance and Relation", The Knowledge of Man, p. 69

Within our tradition, the Akedah, which comes at the end of last week's parasha, is viewed as the last and most difficult of the ten tests of Abraham. In certain regards, the purchase of the Cave of Machpelah is a more difficult test. In fact, the Book of Jubilees claims it is the tenth test.

Why should this be so? For one thing, there is a tradition that says that Abraham failed the test of the Akedah. He misheard or misunderstood what was intended of him. However, if you look at the purchase of the Cave of Machpelah, Abraham did everything right. The details of the negotiations show this. He listened, he responded, he succeeded and was blessed.

The Akedah was an encounter with God, which, though often viewed as successful, failed on a number of levels. Somewhere along the way, the beloved son Isaac becomes the intended sacrifice, no longer a person but an object. It is therefore not surprising that after the Akedah God does not speak to Abraham again. Even less surprising is the fact that no more words are exchanged between Abraham and Isaac and certainly not between Abraham and Sarah, Hagar or Ishmael.

The next time we hear from Abraham is when he hopes to buy some property, the burial ground that is the Cave of Machpelah. The purchase of this cave provides him with a permanence that he otherwise lacks in life. More significantly, the negotiations provide Abraham the opportunity to experience a relationship.

Only after completing this transaction, experiencing this encounter, does Abraham's life take a dramatic shift. What happens next: Healing and relationship. He sends his servant Eliezer to find a wife for his beloved but estranged son, Isaac.

What can we take away from Abraham's experience? In all our encounters, be they personal, professional, or incidental, we must never forget that we are dealing with another human being. When we engage that other individual, the exchange becomes a dialogue. Without this engagement, we are guilty of manipulation; but when we are aware of the other, even mundane interactions become spiritual encounters. Think of it: Any mundane action harbors the seeds of a spiritual encounter. This holds true whether you are a patriarch purchasing a burial site, or a harried commuter buying a cup of coffee.

Shabbat shalom,
Rabbi Michal Shekel