Parashat Kedoshim, Leviticus 19:1-20:27

The gray haired elder is a fragile treasure, often not appreciated until he or she is gone.

I have noticed recently that it is impossible to simply run into the drugstore and just pick up an item. Last time I ran out of shampoo it took me half an hour to figure out what to buy. There is shampoo for long hair, short hair, curly hair, straight hair, frizzy hair, coloured hair, damaged hair and so on. Then there are conditioners that produce a number of different results. This is before you even get to the "product," the stuff you put on your clean hair to keep it shiny, curly, tangle free, blonder, darker, redder, softer, staying in place, looking like you just got out of bed, and so on. My grandparents just used soap on their hair and seemed to manage quite well.

They may have been the exception. Our concern with hair has a long history. Poets use it as a measure of beauty. Fairy tales have been written about golden locks, ebony black hair, and hair so long and strong, a suitor could use it to climb to your window. What conditioner does one use for that? Legend tells us that King David was known for the beauty of his red hair. Samson's uncut hair was the source of his strength. The Song of Songs, which we just read on Pesach, has numerous descriptions of the beauty of both lovers' hair: …His locks are curled and black as a raven. (Song 5:11), Your hair is like a flock of goats streaming down from Gilead. (Song 6:5) Not quite how we'd word it today, but the sentiment comes through nonetheless.

For most of history we have tried some amazing concoctions to style and colour our hair; items that go beyond a simple flint knife to trim it. In places as diverse as ancient Greece and pre-revolutionary France, we have braced our hair with branches and wire cages. Some famous early Hollywood platinum blondes ended up wearing wigs because bleaching their locks caused their hair to fall out.

It seems the only time it was fashionable to let our hair alone was in the late 1960s. Interestingly, this month marks the fortieth anniversary of the Broadway debut of Hair.

Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair.

Hair, lyrics by Gerome Ragni and James Rado

How times have changed! Those who once reveled in letting their hair grow wild and naturally, a la Samson, are now keeping the shampoo and colouring companies solvent.

Hair is one of the easiest ways to change how we look. Last fall, Time Magazine ran an article called The Gray Wars. "To dye or not to dye. That is the question in the latest feminist debate over aging and authenticity." In a poll looking at attitudes towards gray or white hair, a large majority viewed such hair as a disadvantage socially and politically. The only time it was viewed as an advantage, by 59% of those polled, was for candidates running for office. Even then it was viewed negatively on specific individuals. (Time Magazine, Sept. 10, 2007, pp. 71-3)

The Torah also weighs in on the issue of hair. Parashat Kedoshim instructs us: You shall not round off the side-growth on your head, or destroy the side-growth of your beard. (Leviticus 19:27) In early June we will read about Sotah, the woman accused of adultery whose hair is uncovered as part of the ceremony determining her innocence or guilt (Numbers 5:18), and in the same portion we will be told about the Nazirite, forbidden to cut his hair (Numbers 6:5).

If our Israelite ancestors had been asked about colouring hair, the Time Magazine poll would have had dramatically different results: Gray hair is a crown of glory. (Proverbs 16:31) This attitude is clearly reflected in this week's parasha: You shall rise before the aged... (Leviticus 19:32) Actually, the older translation of lifnei seiva takum, is much clearer: You shall rise before the hoary head. The word seiva is the same one found in Proverbs translated as gray hair.

A midrash teaches that Abraham was the first individual to show signs of aging:

Rabbi Yehudah ben Shimon said: Abraham asked for old age, pleading before the Eternal: "Sovereign of the Universe! When a man and his son enter a town, people don't know whom to honor! But if You crown the father with the appearance of old age, they will know whom to honour." The Holy One Who is Blessed said to him: "...You have asked well and it shall begin with you." From the beginning of Genesis until here, old age is not mentioned, but when Abraham arose the appearance of old age was granted to him: And Abraham was old, well stricken in age (Genesis 24:1).

Genesis Rabbah 65:9, based on the Soncino translation

There are actually two parts to the verse in Kedoshim: You shall rise before the aged (seiva) and show deference to the old (zaken). This caused quite a discussion in the Talmud. What is the difference between the seiva, the gray haired individual, and the zaken, the elderly person?

Rabbi Yose the Galilean said: Zaken means only one who has acquired wisdom… Issi ben Yehuda said: You shall rise before the aged implies any aged person.

Talmud, Kiddushin, 32b

Two different qualities are at work here. Zaken implies wisdom and leadership. The Talmud relates this to God's instruction to Moses in Numbers 11:16: Gather for Me seventy of Israel's elders (ziknei) of whom you have experience as elders and officers of the people, and bring them to the Tent of Meeting… Seiva is anyone who falls into the senior citizen category.

While in most cultures there is respect for the life experience that goes with aging, our modern culture differs. One year after Hair debuted on Broadway, the term "ageism" was coined by gerontologist Robert Neil Butler. Today, the generation that told us not to trust anyone over thirty is still fighting to maintain its youth. Those of us who are fussing with the hair dye can learn something from those who stopped doing so long ago according to two articles in the American Sociological Review:

“The good news is that with age comes happiness,” said study author Yang Yang, a University of Chicago sociologist. “Life gets better in one's perception as one ages.” …A certain amount of distress in old age is inevitable, including aches, pains and deaths of loved ones and friends. But older people generally have learned to be more content with what they have than younger adults, Dr. Yang said.
…A separate University of Chicago study found that about 75 per cent of people aged 57 to 85 engage in one or more social activities at least every week. Those include socializing with neighbours, attending religious services, volunteering or going to group meetings. Those in their 80s were twice as likely as those in their 50s to do at least one of these activities.

The oldest Americans are also the happiest, research finds, Lindsay Tanner, Associated Press, April 18, 2008

How interesting that contentment is treasured more than that elusive emotion happiness. Interesting as well are the activities that help achieve contentment, the rituals and ethical behavior described in Kedoshim which are integral to socializing, volunteering and ritual activity.

There is much else we can learn from seiva. I believe it was Margaret Mead who said that the elderly, grandparents in particular, teach us history. Years ago I worked with advanced Alzheimer patients. I learned more in conversation with these individuals than from any book or documentary. Some sang the lullabies that comforted them as children. Others recounted the golden days of the Yiddish Theater in New York. When they shared their memories, you felt as though you were sitting next to them at the theater, watching The Yiddish King Lear while munching on a half sour pickle.

The seiva, the gray haired elder is a fragile treasure, often not appreciated until he or she is gone. This is something which strikes more deeply each year as we observe Yom Hashoah, Holocaust Memorial Day. I recently had the privilege of hearing a survivor recount her story to an adult Jewish Information Class that I am teaching. Many survivors volunteer their time to speak to groups of all ages and all faiths, making sure the Shoah (Holocaust) is not forgotten. Each story is unique, with personal details not found in books. The survivors who teach us now were children during the Holocaust. They are the last teachers of the greatest tragedy of our time. Learning from these individuals brings a new understanding to lifne seiva takum, You shall rise before the aged. (Note: The USC Shoah Foundation Institute under the guidance of Steven Spielberg has created a video archive preserving the accounts of survivors. Unfortunately, genocide is still a problem in the modern world and the institute continues its important work by collecting eyewitness accounts from a more recent tragedy: the Rwandan genocide.)

The best-seller is wrong. Kindergarten was not the place I learned everything I need to know. I am still learning on a daily basis from those with greater wisdom and more life experience; the record of their accomplishments deeply etched in their faces, surrounded by a beautiful halo of gray or white hair.

They shall bear fruit even in old age (b'seiva)
They shall be fresh and fragrant

Psalms 92:15

Shabbat shalom,
MS